"But that's Okay"

Why do I do what I do, at the end of the day? Honestly, for the longest time it’s just been to connect with others. But it’s getting to the point where that reason’s not enough, anymore. This 5 year uni course is no joke in how intensive it is. Why am I even studying it? It’s not to get a pat on the back, or verbal praise. It was the only path I was really able to take, and the main motivation I have is to complete the course so I have a job to buy a house and all that nice wholesome comfy stuff a family needs (because of course the dream I have is to have a family of my own so I’m not alone).

So what is there that I do for myself??

Honestly, I don’t really even want to do anything for myself. The fear of being selfish is hardwired into my psyche. Or maybe I’m selfish for wanting to be around others, who’d give me reason to be. Hmmmm, no escaping that word I guess? I write this blog more so I can connect with others, instead of just for personal fulfilment; Sorry for being selfish.

At least uni is going okay. I haven’t had to struggle to find a place to belong to, so I know I’m grateful for that too.

Last Monday I watch the film Ride Your Wave. I was drawn to it because it’s directed by Masaaki Yuasa, who worked on three of my favourite animated works so I already knew I’d love his next project when it was released, and a year after purchasing it I’m happy to say it definitely didn’t disappoint. It has such a wholesome charm that underpins every sun-soaked frame of animation, and while I know some people would think it tries to tell more than it has the runtime for, I really love all that it does from the main plot revolving around the two main protagonists that fall in love, as well as the supporting cast and how they themselves react and interact with the series of events in the film. I can’t really say a thing without spoiling it, but hey: if you get around to watching it and feel like talking about the film, you know I’m always just a message away.

Something else that was eventful was hearing a melody from Daft Punk’s ‘Something About Us’ in a song that had me thinking “I can hear the French house influences in this already”. I likely told you about it, and maybe it doesn’t even seem that eventful, but on a personal level it was just a really special moment. Maybe even a selfishly special moment? Ah, what am I even talking about?

I think it’s just a mild spell of grey clouds above my head. But it’s making me feel all weird: I find myself needing more and more reassurance in the form of being valued by others. But then again: maybe that’s just me being selfish.

I really don’t know why I decided for that to be a recurring word and theme in this post. I guess I’m just feeling really anxious.

MY ECHOLALIA 

My Echolalia

Speaking of: Alvvays made a new post this month, so it’s reassuring to know they’re still around! It’s just for a live show this month, but even a post from them is exciting.

Maybe I should emulate them, in that regard.

Catch you on the flip side? Only if you want me to. After all: I’m what you make of me. So please do so, please?

God, I need a hug.