“No Matter How Many Times You Face Death, We Accept You! You’ve Got the Bravery to Lead a Wonderful Life!”

This week I spent more time than usual hanging out with the friends I’ve made on my course. On Thursday we had the first-ever Islamic Society meet-up, which consisted mainly of talking, eating snacks and playing video games. It was the first time I’d ever really been in a group social setting like that, and I absolutely loved it. I’ve never expressed much interest in football, or Fifa, but I was invited to play by the friends I’m closest to on my course and, even though I had no idea how to even play, the feeling of sharing a memory with others and just passing time playing multiplayer game struck me as the moment I’d formed genuine bonds of friendship with them.

The next day, they invited me over to play once again. I hadn’t improved at all but we all had such fun that winning barely felt like it was of any importance at all. And then after that, we just began throwing around thick playing cards and bean bags at each other, just for the sake of raising some hell. There was no complex rhyme or reason to it, just sole spontaneity, and that was sufficient to give the memory infinite significance. On both Saturday and Sunday, I spent my time inside my room as I find the weekend to be the best time for me to unwind, so I sadly had to decline when they invited me to head into town to eat with them on Saturday. They still bought me some orange juice on their way back, as they asked if I needed anything from the store (and I was running a little low on orange juice), and when one of them visited my accommodation to drop it off, they told me:

“We missed you, bro; felt weird without you there.”

In the moment, I was caught so much by surprise by the meaning of such sentiment that I immediately profusely thanked them for their kind words. A day later and those words still remain on my mind.

It’s no secret that for all my life, all I wanted was for there to be people who appreciated my presence so I’d be able to keep living for their sake. Of course, in this new safe environment at university, I’ve been able to find more and more reason to keep living for myself, but those words reminded me that I had more people to live for than I had previously considered. I haven’t met many people with similar interests to me at uni so far, which doesn’t upset me or anything, but for the past three years I always imaged that the only people at Uni that I’d become close friends with were people I shared many mutual interests with, and the events of the past few days confirmed to me that I was still able to forge such strong bonds even if I hadn’t met other students with similar hobbies etc. I now feel more confident in pursuing hobbies and interests for my own sake, because I feel that the things I hold dear to me formed part of the total constituent of my self that my uni friends grew to appreciating and valuing, judging by the words they said to me. They don’t know about the music I love, the narratives of stories I cherish, nor the past I have that kept me from a stable and safe life for so long, but they still reach out to me and bridge the distance between my life and theirs with their words and actions. How could I not be eternally grateful for such kindness? For the first time, I feel like I have a place to belong within the academic setting of where I study.

So as I take a step back, see how far I’ve come and all that I’ve built and forged in my life, and the bonds I share with others at this moment in my life, I see it all as overwhelming validation of my being: my life has validated itself, something I never knew would be possible for me.

So now, like I always wish to do, I extend thanks to you and everyone I have the joy of knowing. My life will always be a manifestation of my gratitude to you, and now I’m able to drive that sentiment through the support of others, in celebration of my own existence.

 


(Oh, also I finished Yakuza Kiwami yesterday!!! But this post is already super long so I'll save that topic for next time.)