An Extension of Musty: From Myself to Those I Hold Dear

This week I spent more time than usual hanging out with the friends I’ve made on my course. On Thursday we had the first-ever Islamic Society meet-up, which consisted mainly of talking, eating snacks and playing video games. It was the first time I’d ever really been in a group social setting like that, and I absolutely loved it. I’ve never expressed much interest in football, or Fifa, but I was invited to play by the friends I’m closest to on my course and, even though I had no idea how to even play, the feeling of sharing a memory with others and just passing time playing multiplayer game struck me as the moment I’d formed genuine bonds of friendship with them. The next day, they invited me over to play once again. I hadn’t improved at all but we all had such fun that winning barely felt like it was of any importance at all. And then after that, we just began throwing around thick playing cards and bean bags at each other, just for the sake of raising some hell. There was no complex ...

I wish I could set a melody as a blog post title. Maybe I’ll figure it out someday. It’s only on my mind because I found myself captivated by a song’s opening notes the second I sat down to type out this paragraph. Countless times I’ve had my attention firmly seized by the same short few seconds at the start of different songs, and it wasn’t until recently I realised it was because of how much sheer personality can be concentrated into things like production/arrangement. I mean it wasn’t something I was entirely conscious of for a long while, but it’s like the presence of a friend: you’ll always recognise it when you notice it and remember when you first heeded it, and the same applies to music since both evoke the same emotional responses in me. This entire weekend I’ve spent inside, and I sorely need that kind of break as often as possible. I was fairly productive too, I like to think: I did some neatly written flashcards (a huge achievement because flashcards are usually messy beyon...

A week or two before leaving for uni, I got hit with a seriously rough illness and could barely do much all day: it thankfully passed before I arrived, but now I’ve been hit with an annoying cold and I’m just sneezing all the time now. It’s not as bad as the illness from before, but is it too much to ask for a month’s respite from being ill? I mean, I don’t even have the time to be ill! Weekends are once again a Haven for me. Being able to wake up at midday/afternoon feels even more special when it’s an event reserved solely for Friday and Saturday night, so I guess paradoxically being busy has helped me enjoy sleep more. I don’t know exactly how many people have been reading, or will read, this post. There’s only one person I know who’s consistently read and responded to them (and to them I say THANK YOUUU!), and of course that’s enough for me, but there’s always the part of me that hopes other people who I mentioned the blog to will have read it, either in past or future. For transpa...

Why do I do what I do, at the end of the day? Honestly, for the longest time it’s just been to connect with others. But it’s getting to the point where that reason’s not enough, anymore. This 5 year uni course is no joke in how intensive it is. Why am I even studying it? It’s not to get a pat on the back, or verbal praise. It was the only path I was really able to take, and the main motivation I have is to complete the course so I have a job to buy a house and all that nice wholesome comfy stuff a family needs (because of course the dream I have is to have a family of my own so I’m not alone). So what is there that I do for myself?? Honestly, I don’t really even want to do anything for myself. The fear of being selfish is hardwired into my psyche. Or maybe I’m selfish for wanting to be around others, who’d give me reason to be. Hmmmm, no escaping that word I guess? I write this blog more so I can connect with others, instead of just for personal fulfilment; Sorry for being selfish. At ...

Being around other students hasn’t exactly fully alleviated the figurative and physical distance I’ve felt from social groups for the past three years. But it doesn’t bother me as much now. I’d get really upset about it in secondary school, but it seems less of a magnanimous void now and more a given constant. The dream of being close to others was there my entire life but the truth is that I already have those I’m grateful to be close to in my life. And yes, musicians I love listening to are people I connect to through experiencing their art, but more importantly: someone going out of their way to read this post of mine is a gesture so meaningful in itself that I of course already consider them to be someone I’m grateful to be close to. So: THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!! I don’t ever feel alone, as a result. Those I care about are present in every moment I spend living and every thought that moves me. So: the song I’m listening to currently (GANKOITTETSU!)? It goes without saying that every emo...